The news of Liam Payne’s death has hit me – a One Direction mega fan – like a tonne of bricks.
Like millions of 1D fans I initially dismissed whispers that he had died after falling from a balcony at a Buenos Aires hotel as unverified rumours.
But they were true: the popstar fell from his hotel suite in Argentina about 5pm Wednesday, local time.
‘I’m reeling. Guys you don’t understand what this means to me,’ I sent to a group chat of girlfriends feeling in complete disbelief.
My friend replied: ‘I wasn’t even a directioner and I feel distraught’.
Distraught doesn’t even begin to cover it.
My earliest memories of One Direction is crowding around my family’s desktop computer watching their X-Factor videos on YouTube.
All the girls picked their favourite and I picked Liam – 14 years ago in 2010.
Liam (pictured in X Factor rehearsals in 2010) has always been my favourite because he was so kind and the ‘dad’ of the group. The news of his death has hit me like a tonne of bricks
I am pictured far left with my sister and two family friends before a 2013 One Direction concert
We painted red love hearts on our face and made homemade merch for our first 1D concert
My sister and I would listen to their first album Up All Night 24/7 in the car. Even our three-year-old brother, who is now 17, sang along.
My first One Direction concert was with my little sister and family friends in 2013. We flew from Sydney to Adelaide as that was the only city we could get tickets.
We dressed up, painted red love hearts on our faces and made homemade merch.
It was genuinely the best night of my life.
I’ve seen 1D four more times since that night and each concert was amazing.
One Direction was literally everything to me and my friends, I genuinely can’t explain how obsessed we were.
The way we analysed each band member’s personality, learnt the lyrics to all their songs, stayed up until 1am for music videos to drop and watched every single interview they did on repeat was part of an irrational teenage obsession.
I also dedicated an entire Twitter account to Liam Payne, where I would repost photos of him with captions like: ‘HE IS SO BEAUTIFUL. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH’.
I still listen to some of their albums now and 1D was in my Spotify wrapped this year.
Sitting at my work desk today, I feel as if I could cry after hearing of Liam’s death
Pictured is a photo I took of Liam during a concert in Australia in 2015 (Zayn is pictured left)
When 1D was in Australia, I waited outside their hotel in the hopes to catch a glimpse of Liam or his other bandmates; Niall, Harry, Zayn and Louis.
When Liam and Louis went surfing in Palm Beach, in Sydney’s northern beaches, I made my mum drive me up there so I could try and meet them.
I took entire days off school to stalk their movements Down Under.
Seeing the news today I immediately made a group chat and messaged the girls.
We don’t speak often but seeing that Liam has died has bought us right back to our teenage years and everyone is devastated.
When Zayn left One Direction, I cried on the bus all the way to school and sitting at my work desk, I feel like I could cry now.
I had a Twitter accounted dedicated to Liam Payne where I spent hours reposting photos
Liam has always been my favourite because he was so kind and the ‘dad’ of the group so it’s just insane that now he’s dead.
My sister and I have talked about a potential One Direction reunion at least once a month and I am in shock that it will never happen now.
The only upside of the news is being able to take a trip down memory lane and revisit many happy memories from a simpler time.
Hearing news of Liam’s death is heartbreaking. It was obvious he was going through a tough time and it so devastating that it has ended this way.
