I’ve come to the conclusion that men can be dangerous.
That’s why, two years ago at the age of 34, I chose to disengage from men entirely.
To some, it’s a radical idea. To me, it felt completely natural.
And now, after Donald Trump’s re-election last week, thousands of women are joining me in this awakening.
It’s called the 4B movement. It began in South Korea in 2016 as a response to a horrific crime: the brutal murder of a woman in a subway station by a man who reportedly said he was “sick of being ignored by women.”
Out of this tragedy, a wave of female anger turned into action. Women took control of their lives by embracing the four “Nos”: no heterosexual sex, no marriage, no children, and no relationships. The name “4B” comes from the Korean words for those four choices, all starting with the letter “b.”
I discovered 4B in 2022. At the time, I was in a state of transformation as my business was taking off and I experienced the typical questions that come with massive change: What do I want? What should I want? What kind of future do I see for myself?
Now, the lifestyle has brought me a sense of peace, confidence, and empowerment I’d never experienced before.
I grew up Catholic in a large Republican family in St Louis, Missouri. As a kid, I spent weekends in church, participating in the service and connecting with the congregation. Twice my family attended Pro-Life marches in DC with other members.
I’ve come to the conclusion that men can be dangerous. That’s why, two years ago at the age of 34, I chose to disengage from men entirely.
It’s called the 4B movement. It began in South Korea in 2016 as a response to a horrific crime: the brutal murder of a woman in a subway station by a man who reportedly said he was “sick of being ignored by women.” (Women are pictured reacting to Kamala Harris’s concession speech).
But when I moved to New York City at 21, my world opened wide. I started having conversations I never would’ve had back home. They made me the woman I am now, who takes risks, empathizes with different life experiences and champions the underdog. They changed me.
At the same time, America was changing. In June 2022, the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade, and the message was clear: women’s rights in this country weren’t just being challenged—they were being dismantled. I felt scared for myself, but more than that, I felt furious for women.
From the time I was little, I’d been warned that men were my responsibility to manage. I was told to watch what I wore or how I walked. I carried my keys between my fingers at night, stopped wearing both AirPods at the same time, shared my location with friends when I went on a date and never went running after sundown.
I learned that my life depended on staying vigilant—because it did. And it wasn’t just about strangers. I knew so many women who were hurt by the men they loved and trusted. Men they vowed to love and who vowed to love them. Men they slept next to at night.
The overturning of Roe cemented everything I already knew. Five justices—four of them men—decided we didn’t deserve control over our own bodies. The new MAGA Republican Party, with its hyper-masculine, power-hungry grip, cheered it on.
That was the moment I started diving deeper into the 4B movement.
It was vital to me that I maintained my sense of autonomy in a country that wanted to strip that from me. But as I let go of the idea of dating men, I started to see how much of my identity was rooted in the male gaze. I wanted to learn who I was when I wasn’t dressing, performing, and, in essence, living for male acceptance and approval.
Letting go of the “cool girl” narrative felt like freedom.
When I first shared my 4B story on TikTok after last week’s election, the response was overwhelming.
Hundreds of women shared horror stories in my comment section about how their husbands changed after they had children and started seeing them as “the help”.
Now, after the election, they’re sharing their outrage over their pro-Trump husbands voting against their daughters’ rights. Some have even left their marriages.
And still, others are stepping into the 4B movement themselves. For many of them, Trump’s re-election was the final straw.
And still, others are stepping into the 4B movement themselves. For many of them, Trump’s re-election was the final straw.
From the time I was little, I’d been warned that men were my responsibility to manage. I was told to watch what I wore or how I walked.
But when I moved to New York City at 21, my world opened wide. I started having conversations I never would’ve had back home.
The male backlash has been, unfortunately, exactly as I had expected it to be.
Men flood my inbox with abuse, call me fat and ugly, say men don’t want me anyway because “at 36 you’re washed up”, or that I’m a single cat lady (as if that’s some groundbreaking insult). They’ve leaked my personal information, texted me threats and claimed they’ll hurt me.
To them, I say: Do you think you’re proving a point? Because all you’re doing is proving mine.
Two years on, my life is full of joy—more than I ever could have expected.
My friendships are deeper than ever before, and my friends are truly the loves of my life. I spend more time with my family who I adore. I’ve built four businesses that empower and uplift women. I’ve traveled the world solo and felt more alive than I ever did on a terrible date or in an unfulfilling relationship.
Although I don’t align with every aspect of the 4B movement, I still stand by the 4B lifestyle. Trump’s re-election only solidified that choice.
I still want a family—I’ve been planning to conceive using a sperm donor. But with the possibility of a national abortion ban, I’m second-guessing my decision. If it’s not safe to get pregnant in this country with our maternal mortality rate as high as it is, choosing to be a single mother may also mean losing my life.
To all the women considering a life without men, I strongly encourage you think about the 4B movement.
It has brought me nothing but confidence, purpose, and joy. Love is found in many different, and many beautiful, ways.
