Tulisa last night ‘came out’ as a demisexual — a sexuality that involves feeling sexual attraction to a person you have an emotional connection with, rather than a physical one.
The N-Dubz star, 36, made her confession during last night’s episode of I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here during a candid discussion with her camp mates about her dating life.
Now, a psychotherapist has told MailOnline that she believes demisexuality is not a legitimate sexual preference, and using the label ‘pathologises’ healthy relationships.
Bhavna Raithatha, accredited by the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy, said she ‘doesn’t like’ the term ‘demisexual’.
‘Developing attraction to someone based one emotional connection been around forever,’ she told MailOnline.
‘Just because we’ve labelled it now doesn’t make it a new thing.’
Ms Raithatha said the use of the term is a symptom of today’s ‘transactional hook-up culture’.
‘We used to take time to meet people, get to know each other, go out for a meal talk to each other, figure out who they were and whether we connected or not,’ she said.
Tulisa, 36, revealed she’s been celibate for over three years as she came out as demisexual during Tuesday night’s episode of I’m A Celebrity
‘The we’d go on a second date, a third and then it became a relationship. It was a slower, more meaningful and mindful process compared to what we’re seeing today.
‘Now it’s about the “swipe this way, swipe that way in and out” hook-up.’
Tulisa also told camp mates she had been celibate for three years, adding that the thought of being with someone makes her feel ‘physically sick’.
‘I feel like I’m demisexual, I need to have a really close emotional bond with someone,’ she added.
‘I need actual depth. I’m a slow, slow burner, I’ve been celibate for over three years’.
Tulisa previously endured a very high-profile court case after her ex-boyfriend Justin Edwards, who she broke up with in 2009, released a sex tape of her in 2012.
She has previously told how she felt ‘judged, disgusting and ashamed’ due to the ordeal and said it has taken her ‘many years’ to come to terms with and get over.
Releasing of sex tapes or images taken in a relationship after a break-up — a trend revenge porn — wasn’t illegal at time meaning Tulisa only managed to get a court apology from her ex.
It was made a specific offence in 2015 in England and Wales, carrying a sentence of up to two years imprisonment.
Ms Raithatha said she was aware of other cases where revenge porn victims had claimed to be ‘demisexual’ in the aftermath, which they say is a means of protecting themselves in future relationships.
‘It shouldn’t come as a surprise given her (Tulisa’s) personal experience, which was so distressing and such a betrayal by an ex-partner,’ she said.
In the peak of her fame, Tulisa endured a very high-profile court case after her ex boyfriend Justin Edwards who she had broken up with in 2009 – released a sex tape of her in 2012
Ms Raithatha added that while ‘demisexuality’ isn’t a real or helpful label, the feelings that motivate it are.
It could be considered a rejection of the instant sex-on-demand attitude and dating apps that feed it in modern society, she argued.
She also said a rise in demisexuality could be linked to a rise in use of revenge porn over the past few decades.
There is a rising interest in demisexuality in both Britain and around the world.
Data from Google shows searches for the term have exploded since 2010, a trend mirrored globally.
Forums for demisexuals, also called ‘demis’, have likewise flourished.
One, on the website Reddit, has grown from 12,000 members in 2019 to almost 100,000 this year.
Tulisa has come out as a demisexual a type of sexuality meaning she only feels sexual attraction to someone she has an emotional connection with
Demisexuality is considered a form of asexuality, itself a type of sexuality defined as generally not having a sexual attraction to others, or at least not in the typical way most people do.
Like many modern takes on sexuality, it’s considered to be on a spectrum and fluid, meaning people may go through periods of demisexuality or just be that way their entire life.
How many Brits are demisexual is unknown with the term thought to have only been coined in 2006.
There are some estimates for the prevalence of asexuality with studies putting the figure at between 1 and 2 per cent of Brits, roughly about a million people of which a proportion are thought to be demis.
However, the 2021 census in England and Wales found just 0.06 per cent of the population reported being asexual.
Demisexuality joins a growing number of alternative sexualities that people, mostly of younger generations, are embracing.
One of these is ‘abrosexual’, which means a person is attracted to different genders at different times.
For example, an abrosexual may be attracted to men for a period of time — sometimes as long as several years — before switching to women, and then back again.
Others include ‘ecosexuality’ the state of finding nature sexually appealing, whether that means feeling at one with nature’s ‘energy’ or physically caressing nature.
There are dozens more other obscure sexualities including autochorisexuals who are only aroused by fantasies or erotic thoughts but who have no desire to engage in sex with real people.
Or, in contrast to demis, fraysexuals those who are only, or most, attracted to strangers and less attracted to people they know well or form emotional connections to.
